Zonk!
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: In this one-shot, Deadpool and Brainiac meet. They have a very...odd discussion. Follow Transmission Awesome!


**A/N: This time around, I especially do not own anything. Most of the story was created on Transmission Awesome's new episode. For those of you who don't know, Transmission Awesome is the official podcast of Channel Awesome. After a few years, it made a triumphant return yesterday, with Linkara as the guest. Near the end, a "Would You Rather?" game humorously devolved into a conversation about Deadpool, dung, and Thanos. Through Twitter, I asked Rollo T. if I could get his permission to write out the tale. He said yes! Here is my interpretation. Enjoy! Read and review, if you please! As always, have an excellent day! Finally, follow Transmission Awesome and all of the participants on every social media spot possible!**

**Zonk!**

**by MiscellaneousSoup**

Brainiac's ship floated just outside Earth's ranger. Inside, the robot stood next to a large vat, staring into it. He checked the ship's coordinates on the computer screen, then began to load the vat's contents into a cannon. With a hiss, the slime solidified, becoming an almost-painful shade of green. Brainiac smiled. "Where are you, Superman?"

_Five minutes later_…

Brainiac slammed a robotic foot against the computer. "Drat! Where are you, Superman?" With a sigh, he flipped a switch. A laser rocketed down to the nearest satellite, blowing it up.

"People of Earth! I am going to blow up your world unless Superman arrives now! Where is he?" Brainiac paced around, calculating. _Perhaps this was a distraction or a psychological maneuver. Or, disturbingly enough, maybe another villain managed to kill him. No, that was impossible! Whoever had that honor would be bragging about it for days! He certainly would be, if Superman would just arrive!_

His reverie was interrupted by a large spaceship seemingly appearing out of thin air, next to his ship. Immediately, Brainiac ran to the controls. "Identify yourself or be killed!" There was no response. He prepared to vaporize the intruding ship, but a person came floating out.

He was wearing a black-and-red space suit on, complete with a clear helmet. His mask appeared to have little white irises. The figure gave a peace sign. "'Sup, Brainy?"

Brainiac aimed his rockets at him. "Who are you and how did you appear?"

The man grinned. "Hi! I'm Deadpool. I broke into Stark's house to get some booze. After about, eh, twenty cans I stole his plane and broke into S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. After fiddling around with some of their machines, I got bored and searched for more beer. I found some weird radio, turned it on, and heard you. You're a robot and robots are cool. Cool equals no more boredom. I asked Supes if he needed a break. He, uh, agreed to let me take this one."

**...**

Perry paced around his office, growling. "Where's Kent? He had to be here seven hours ago! I'll fire his sorry butt this time, I mean it!" Unfortunately for Perry, he didn't know that Clark was tied up with Kryptonite ropes in the broom closet.

**...**

Brainiac fired the lasers. Bits of Deadpool were scattered everywhere. He prepared to set up the Earth-destroying cannons again, but an irritating voice interrupted him.

"Yo!" Deadpool was alive again and back in his spaceship. "I don't really care if you blow up the planet, but I do have one question."

Brainiac groaned. "I hate dealing with regenerative beings. Go away."

Deadpool smirked. "Okay, then. I guess you're not smart enough to answer this question, Mr.'I'm A Robot And That Automatically Makes Me Smart.' Uh, you are smart, right? That would ruin the joke. I just assumed you were smart because you were a robot. Wait, does that make me a racist?"

Brainiac kicked the wall. "Just ask the question already, dolt!"

"Okay, okay. So, let's say that you could choose your enemies. Would you rather be as strong as Chris Evans or have really weak enemies?"

Brainiac blinked. "What?"

"Wait, sorry! I got that wrong." Deadpool scratched something on a piece of notebook paper. "Okay, here. Would you rather be as strong as Chris Evans but have an alien randomly control you and make you say racist things or have easily-beaten enemies and have it be _really_ cold when you take a dump?"

Brainiac struggled to process all of the nonsensical blathering. "Wait...What does it mean to 'take a dump?'"

Deadpools shrugged. "You eat too many tacos, or whatever the spicy equivalent is for whatever you are, then your internal organs get messed up, and when you use the bathroom-"

Brainiac fired a laser into the distance. "SHUT UP! It has been years since I existed within a non-robotic body. I have no memories of using the restroom for any reason."

Deadpool threw the notebook paper away. "Okay, then, you might not be able to answer the question. You aren't going to win the game show but do you want the runner-up prize?"

"You're getting really annoying. I don't know what you're talking about. I am going to blow up this planet and absorb all of the available knowledge!"

Deadpool winked and pressed a button. "Sorry, buddy! You get a Zonk! I planted some bombs in your ship during your little rant and they should be going off any second now. Toodles! S.H.I.E.L.D. teleportation-thingy, away!" With a flash, Deadpool was gone.

Brainiac ran toward a different device and plugged himself in. "Download mind, download mind, download mind! Hurry..ten percent? SON OF A-"

BOOM! The ship exploded.

**THE END**


End file.
